Dreams and Jobs: Can We Have Harmony?

I am working a second job, and have been for a while. It’s a contracted job, and I only work various Saturday mornings for three hours at a time (the extra cash is very nice, let me tell you). Recently, this employer offered me more hours on a regular basis; about ten additional hours a week. She said this is because she really appreciates my ability and would like to work with me more and possibly have this be a permanent job in the future. I had to weigh this in my mind and discuss it with Ryan for a while before I could make a decision. Would it mean more income? Yes. Would it mean more experience? Of course. Is this how I want to spend the free time that I have? Possibly. It finally came down to this: will this second job help to advance my dreams or will it hinder them?

The answer that I eventually came to was that it will possibly become an obstacle. This second job has nothing to do with acting or theatre, and I told her the truth. I need the weekends open for possible rehearsal times. Do I want to be able to pay off student loans sooner rather than later? Yes, yes I do. But this is not the way. I need theatre in order to survive emotionally and socially. I thanked her, and said I was flattered. I also said that I am at a point in my life where I need to chase my dreams, however frivolous they may seem to others.

I have to try.

I don’t want to wake up in thirty years and wonder what might have been if I had just tried a little harder, and let go of material things for a while in order to be the artist that my soul needs to be. Will I be successful? Who knows, and honestly, I don’t count success as “making it big” (though I wouldn’t complain). For me to be successful at this dream, I simply need to participate in any way that I can. Be it on stage, off stage, directing, or sweeping floors, I will do what I have to do in order to be a part of something that really matters to me.

Right now I’m acting for Katrina in her directing final. The script she chose is heartbreakingly beautiful. Please come and see it if you can – December 14th, 10:00am at NU’s theatre. Also, I just got a part in The Seven Year Itch at Redwood Theatre in Redmond, playing Miss Morris. I’m pretty excited about that. Performances will be Fri's-Sun's in February of next year. I’ll give more details when it gets closer.

What are you doing to follow your dreams? Now is the time to live – let’s do it. I hope that we can honor the King who gave us our gifts and our passions by using them to their full extent. Amen!

And Merry Christmas!

What's Goin' On?

Well, a few weeks ago I passed the insurance exam, which required that I study my brains out. Apparently only 50% of people pass the first time, go figure, but I received a 91%. Owned it. I'm pretty happy about this, as it was a difficult exam, however, I'm used to hard tests (I did passed a DD class after all), and so I wasn't too worried about it. Now this means I can legally transact and produce insurance policies, property and casualty only at this point, which is great for my job. I've been surprised at how interesting my job has been the past few weeks because of this.

I'm learning TONS of new facts and procedures, and my job is actually requiring brain power to complete. I really feel like I can help people solve problems some days, and that is a good feeling. Recently, I've had customers tell my boss that I'm doing a great job and that I've been very helpful. Hooray! That's good news. I like helping people, and that's what my job is about. I'm okay with that. It's not my dream job, by any means, but it's paying the bills, I get medical insurance on top of that, an easy and flexible schedule, AND I feel accomplished at the end of most days. I have room to learn, and to move up eventually. It's different every day, too, so not too much boredom either.

I've also been going on auditions again, pretty regularly, after my last show ended, and I have another one lined up for tomorrow. After my last audition, I was offered two parts, but decided to turn them down after all. This is the first I've ever done that, and they were pretty big parts. It was a tough choice, but it turned out that it was less professional than I expected, the rehearsal schedules were too intensive (too many), lots of children were involved (don't get me wrong, I love kids, but I just don't feel like doing that right now - it's rough), and it didn't seem like the parts would challenge me in any way. So, all of that added up to saying, "thanks-but-no-thanks." Strange feeling. That frees me up to go to more auditions (one tomorrow for some film work), take some extra relaxing time, and maybe save up money for some nice headshots soon. Hopefully.

My boss has been gone this entire week on a cruise, and that's been a little hectic as well, but I think I held down the office alright. We'll see. :)

Well, it is strange not having classes, but at the same time, I love it. I really feel free to pursue acting now, and that is what I've wanted to do for the past fifteen years of my life. Yay! We'll see what happens.

Consciousness Streaming and Seeping

What does it mean to be alive? I know, I know, this thought isn’t at all original, but is anything original? Also, unoriginal. Am I original? “Why, of course!” says my DNA. Of course. But am I? Are we? Aren’t we all essentially the same lonely and lost children searching for...something? Answers. Answers to what? These unoriginal questions. The meaning to life, the universe, and everything: 42. It’s nonsensical to ask for a single meaning in life, and that’s why I love the way Douglas Adams answered: 42. It makes no sense, and no, he never explains it in any of the five in the Hitchhiker’s trilogy (yes, that’s right), because the question is nonsensical. So why do we keep asking? Why do I keep asking, “Why am I here? What is my purpose? Why did he/she die? Why am I alive? Why is this happening?” It doesn’t matter. 42. The end. Now, I’m not totally pessimistic, I do believe in a heavenly afterlife, and that what we do today can reflect on eternity, but at the same time everything I do here seems fruitless. Maybe this is the situational irony of life. If I’m just going to die one day, possibly soon, then what’s the point? If the answer is 42, then there is no point.

The only purpose I can come down firm on is love - to love and be loved in return. That’s it. That’s 42. That’s the answer, and I don’t know how to be good at loving, or being loved, but God, I will try, because that’s all that really matters in THIS life, and that’s what we’re commanded to do. For a good reason. So go, go and love. Love God, and love everyone you meet. I will try to love you, too.